Several G&Ts, a shot of Tuaca, and a Spicy Tendercrisp later...

Published almost simultaneously on Myspace.

I woke up from the weirdest dream this morning. I was on vacation with some friends in California or somewhere. One friend was trying to set me up with her ex-husband, who was also on the trip, but they kept running off and having sex in mausoleums. My other friend and I went for a walk and ended up hanging out with this big bunch of locals sitting around outside of a mobile home and smoking. I realized one of my left molars, (which I really do have problems with), was loose, so I panicked and my friend and I headed back to the hotel, seeking the hotel's in-house dentist.
This is where it gets really weird. As my friend and I were nearing the hotel pool, Ricardo Montalban approached us and started sweet-talking us, trying to sell us on his master plan. He wanted to turn us into cyborgs. We jumped into the pool, knowing he couldn't go in the water, since he himself was a cyborg. We swam out into the middle of the pool, and Ricardo just stood on the edge proselytizing to us about his cyborg dreams. He was dressed like the millionaire from Gilligan's Island, in a navy blazer, white pants (ugh, the horror!), and a red ascot. The hotel and pool were really elaborate, the pool extending under the entire hotel, which had a mall and many restaurants and coffee shops. My friend and I first tried to swim in circles around each other in order to make Ricardo get sick and give up, but this didn't work because cyborgs don't get sick. So we went under the bridge he was standing on, and swam on, under waterfalls, past palm tree islands, past all the shops and ladies having coffee, to the far side of the hotel. Here, the pool just sort of got shallower and shallower until it became dry ground, imitating a natural body of water. Of course, Ricardo was there. My friend ran away from the pool and disappeared, while I tried to run back into the water. I woke up just as I was struggling to get back to the deeper part of the pool.
I have always found Ricardo Montalban vaguely menacing after being exposed to The Wrath of Khan at the tender age of eight. Near the end half of his face gets melted off, and it really freaked me out. I had always thought Mr. Roarke was creepy for more reasons than just being omniscient and keeping a little person for a pet, but after that movie, Fantasy Island moved several steps up the sinister scale for me.