Saturday, February 11

Sexy Songs

Recently, The Boise Weekly published their list of the sexiest songs. And I am now going to publish mine. I take issue with many of their choices, also, they have a list of songs that they think are "Surprisingly Sexy." Well, there is nothing surprising about the sex appeal of "Baby Did a Bad, Bad Thing," by Chris Isaak. I mean, come on, Chris Isaak is basically sex personified. Also, I actually have made a CD of songs that I consider sexy, which is something they suggest in the Weekly article. It has gotten me laid before.

Also, "Stairway to Heaven?" Are you fucking kidding me? Possibly the most overrated song of all time? Only to longhaired, flannel and Birkenstock-with-socks wearing potheads. There are much better Led Zeppelin songs that are waaaaay sexier. Like "Kashmir," or "Dazed and Confused."

The biggest problem with this article is that they leave out the sexiest song of all time, "Time of The Season" by The Zombies, which basically = The Boise Weekly staff are a bunch of retards. No one can resist this song. Even if you don't think it's the sexiest song ever, you can't deny it's sexy. And it even has a cool video. How many bands made videos back then? I used to see it all the time on VH1 in 1988. It was the only cool thing ever shown on VH1 for years.

I definitely agree with the following choices: "Cowgirl in the Sand," Lay, Lady Lay," "I Put a Spell On You,"--all versions--"Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone," "Ballrooms On Mars," "At Last My Love Has Come Along," but by Etta James, not Ella Fitzgerald, "Soma"--I really loved this song in high school.

Here goes the rest of the list:

"When Doves Cry," Prince. I used to hate this song as a child. I was a stupid child.
"Slum Beautiful," by Outkast.
"Human," by Elastica.
"Corpses in Her Mouth," by Ian Brown. Weird name, weird song, weird singer. Will make you want to take up bellydancing.
"I'm on Fire," Bruce Springsteen. I can't believe this wasn't on their list!!
"The Blood is Love," Queens of the Stone Age. Josh Homme? Should be Josh Hotte.
"Six-Blade Knife," Dire Straits.
"Dead," The Pixies.
Every song ever recorded by Polly Jean Harvey, she is like the female Barry White or Leonard Cohen.
Any and all versions of, "Can't Take My Eyes Off of You."
"Sweetest Perfection," Depeche Mode. It's funny how many songs about heroin are sexy. Actually, this song may not be about heroin, it may be about gay sex. Or both. I don't really want to think about it.
"Got Love to Kill," Juliette and the Licks. This song would be #1 if I made a list of "Songs that make me want to drive 150 mph or faster."
"Nickel to Roll," Jucifer.
"Creme Brulee," Sonic Youth. You and me burnin' in the summertime? Ok.
"My Favourite Game," The Cardigans. Raddest video ever, which of course puts it on my list of songs that make me drive fast. BTW, I think Nina Persson is a femmebot. If I had to cast an angel in a film, she would be it.
"Psychic Hearts," Thurston Moore.
That version of "Hanging on the Telephone," by Cat Power that they play on the Cingular commercial.
Many many Blondie songs, including, "Fade Away and Radiate," and "Will Anything Happen?" "One Way or Another," and "Call Me."
"Book of The Month," Lovage, aka Dan the Automator & various friends. You are the griddle, I am the meat.
"Hella Good," No Doubt.
"Brass in Pocket," The Pretenders. The best karaoke seduction song.
"Gypsy Eyes," "Red House," Jimi Hendrix.
"Caramel," Suzanne Vega.
"The Pink Room," David Lynch, from the Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me soundtrack. Sleazy.
"Theme," Cibo Matto.
"Mood Swing," Luscious Jackson.
"Where It's At" is probably banned from airplay for the next ten years due to it's being one of the most overplayed songs of all time, but the remix by John King on the Where It's At single has background music so cool you will cream your jeans.
"Feel Good Hit of the Fall," !!!
"Magic Stick," Lil' Kim.
"Wicked Ways," Garbage.
"A View to a Kill," Duran Duran. The song is better than the movie. Also, "Hungry Like the Wolf." I fucking love this song. Hole does a really good cover of it, too.
"Holy Roller Novacaine," "Wasted Time," Kings of Leon--Make me want to smoke.
"Dirge," "Soul Auctioneer," "Aisha," and "Broken Little Sister," Death in Vegas. This is one of those bands whose good songs totally kick ass, and whose bad songs totally suck ass and there is no in between.
"Seven Nation Army," The White Stripes.
"Shake That Ass" 50 Cent, remixed by The Lovemakers. Also, "We Should be Taking Our Clothes Off," obviously.
"Ladies and Gentlemen We Are Floating in Space," Spiritualized. Also "Any Way You Want Me." I used to have a live album with this song on it and I could kick myself for selling it. It was awesome, because the music would swell to a huge crescendo, then stop completely when he sang, "I've been watching you, and I don't think that you're gay," or whatever the hell the words are.
"Everybody Knows," Concrete Blonde.
Every Blonde Redhead song.
Every Portishead song.
"So Alive," Love and Rockets.
"Animal Nitrate," and "My Dark Star," Suede.
"Do It Again," Tori Amos.
"Crimson and Clover," Joan Jett.
"Sugar on My Tongue," The Talking Heads.
"This Magic Moment," Lou Reed.
"Long Cool Woman (In a Black Dress)," The Hollies.
"Mambo Italiano," Dean martin.
"Rhiannon," Fleetwood Mac. I wish Elastica were still together so they could cover this song.
"Planet Queen," T Rex.
"Penelope Tree," Felt.
Every song on the Cat Power album You Are Free, except "Names." I read about this music critic on who "suggests the Universe was created for the sole purpose of producing [Jimi Hendrix album Are You Experienced?]." This is how I feel about You Are Free.
"Swamp Song," "I'm Just a Killer For Your Love," Blur.
"Overcome," "Vent," "Brand New You're Retro," "Christiansands," "Hell is Round the Corner," "Meditate," "Poems," "Pumpkin," Tricky.
"Remembrance," gus gus. if you are stoned, this song literally lasts your entire lifetime.
"Brand New Cadillac," "Guns of Brixton," The Clash.
"Bang Bang," Nancy Sinatra.
"Rich," Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs.
"Only Shallow," My Bloody Valentine.
"Hot Freaks," Guided by Voices.
"Arabian Nights," Siouxie and the Banshees.
"Black Metallic," Catherine Wheel.
"Season of the Witch," Donovan.
"Look for Me (I'll Be Around)," Neko Case.
"I am Pentagon," The Make-up.
"I Just Want to Make Love to You," Etta James
"Piece of My Heart," Janis Joplin
"Back in Black," ACDC
"Breathe," Prodigy. I hated this song until the scene with Justin Theroux in Charlies Angels Full Throttle.
"Barracuda," Heart.
"Dance Hall," Modest Mouse. Pretty any much song about dancing is a song I'm going to think is sexy.


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